As new parents, you’re tired, your hormones are on overdrive, and you’re just…tired.
And unless all your friends are veteran parents and have an endless supply of tact, we know that you’ve encountered at least one of these people:
1. The Walking Germ “I want to hold your baby…cough cough sneeze sneeze..”
We know our babies are irresistible, but if someone is hacking up a lung, they better stay 20 arms length away from our newborn!
2.The Clueless “Why can’t you bring your baby out to the bar?”
Gone are the days when we can freely go out to bars at any time, day or night. And thanks for reminding us of that fact.
3. The Reminiscer “Back in the day, we did/didn’t…”
Way back in the day, there were no cribs and people got polio. Now that there are new research and modern conveniences, we will stick to that, thank you very much.
4. The Tactless “Is your baby sleeping through the night yet?”
There’s nothing that becomes more important to a parent than sleep (or lack thereof). It’s better to safely assume that each parent has their own sleep demons (albeit cute). So please, don’t push us with incessant questions.
5. The Insensitive “I’m so tired…”
And while we’re on that topic….We know that you’re tired from sleeping 8 hours of continuous and uninterrupted sleep. Or that you’re tired from partying all night. From one potentially sleep-deprived person to another, we’d rather not hear your complaints.
6. The Homebody “It must be SO nice to stay at home”
And to push it further, the next question often follows, “What do you do all day?” Stay-at-home moms/dads, Work-from-home moms/dads, and moms on maternity leave may have heard this before. And tell me you don’t spend your next waking minutes contemplating karmic revenge.
7. The Amnesia “What are you guys up to tonight?”
We have a newborn. Is this really a question?
8. The Expert “Why are you/Why aren’t you <insert parenting style>”
We hear advice day and night. And we will give you a penny for your thoughts every now and then. But at one point, we need to be parents and make our own mistakes. And who knows our little one better than the people who are with her 24/7.
9. The Overeager “When are you guys planning the next one?”
This question can happen when you least expect it…sometimes within minutes of giving birth or when you’re contemplating having an only child. Give us some recovery time!
10.The Hypothetical Parent “When I become a parent, my kid will be so disciplined and sleep through the night.”
You never really know what you’ll get or do until you’re in that situation. So until you have a kid of your own, keep your judgments to yourself. (We do secretly hope you have a baby with colic and wakes up every hour.)